The importance of good listening

What is right or wrong, bad or good conduct, can be - and is generally - a regional and time-sensitive view that is no more than typical conduct for this time at this place. It's not an absolute. It is worth having this in mind when listening to the views of another person and think whether their values reflect their age and environment as much as our own opinions reflect ours. Other things like class, wealth, social circumstances and education will also influence what is considered to be appropriate for another person. Respecting these differences in others will win us respect for our own idiosyncrasies, and lead to our being more tolerated for our own strange behavior.

The span and depth of our personal experiences in life are measured subjectively - one man's meat is another woman's poison - nonetheless, we share a few things universally, mostly we want to reach out and expand our lives, in whatever way we feel is important to us. Naturally we will need to open up to new ways of seeing the world, and try out some new stuff, and such things very often come to us first as rather strange, often challenging viewpoints. The first flinch against something new is the automatic reflex of self-protection, and this needs to be carefully overcome if we are to expand our horizons in a healthy way. Our willingness to embrace new ideas, learn skills and meet people unreservedly enough to avoid bigotry shows itself by our being open-minded.

If someone's talking and you are secretly resistant and feel the inner tendency to disagree, then - even if you keep quiet - they unconsciously respond to that. It will probably diminish their ability to express their thoughts clearly and confidently - and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. However, if our listening attention is warm and supportive, then rapport is established and a sense of harmony can pervade the atmosphere between us. What is said then somehow gives form to the good feelings that exist and generates positivity that can help you in what you want from the exchange.

It's important. To make the world a better place we all need to speak with more optimism and care, and therefore learn the skill of listening in such a way that other's thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. Not so easy! We can't just tell people to stop being negative because this will simply strengthen their attitude. Of course realization needs to occur, (and we may consider it our job to instruct them!) yet it has to be gently managed.

There is quite obviously a process taking place between speaker and listener that can be co-creating. As was said, the listener's quality of attention has an effect upon the message in form as well as essence. And of course the speaker's words touch the listener - it goes without saying. Both are involved, each influencing the other and - significantly - the content and presentation of the message too. This is food for thought; we have been rather given to think differently - that the individual is responsible for his own output and that he takes the credit too.

Maybe a tad more humility is in order, so that we are ready to acknowledge the importance of a good listener sharing in the process of voicing the wisdom gems we deliver (and yet think of as our own!) When listening too we can allow that we have a degree of responsibility for what we hear said to us, and especially the way it is said - with respect, with anger, with contempt - because "it takes two to tango".

Another good reason for us to want to listen to another person with care and attention - there's a good chance that they might actually have something of value for us to hear!

The ideas follow the 7 Words model - that everything is fundamentally an expression of seven basic life principles: No, Hello, Thanks, Goodbye, Please, Sorry, Yes. You may be able to identify them in the order of presentation of these paragraphs.

I hope that the description of this sevenfold method will be a source of new ideas and inspiration, even if you don't choose to use it!

Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 7 Words website, interactive fun with the "satisfaction index calculator" at 7 Words Associates